Shattered Hearts...

It's quiet here tonight. We have just completed our first busy day back in the real world. It was a good, productive kind of busy that often comes after one has taken a very enjoyable, very long time of relaxation. In fact, our stay-cation turned out to be just the thing we needed. We spend much too much time worrying. Wasted moments, we'll never get back, and for what? WE aren't in charge. I keep reminding myself to hand the big worries over to my Heavenly Father. lately, I hear my mom saying over and over again, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Most of this daily stuff is just trivial nonsense ya know?

I went in just about an hour ago and I once again breathed a deep sigh of relief. My babies were sleeping deeply, contentedly, and peacefully. I love sleeping babies, children. They look so much younger in their slumber. They grow much too quickly, and if only for that quick moment each night, when they are lost in the land of Peter Pan, we can hope they will be children always. After I kissed each one lightly on the cheek, I tucked dangling legs back under comforters, and pulled up blankets that had been pushed aside. I then reached over to shut the shutters, as I do every night. Through the slats, I noticed across the way, some holiday twinkle lights still flickering red, green, orange and blue. All our "stuff" as you know, is packed away again for another year, but I smiled at this hold-out living on the street just behind us, spreading the cheer, into another year. Good for them. I stood there for a moment, falling under the spell of those pretty colors and before I knew it, I found myself being drawn into them and lost in thought...

My thoughts tonight are of somewhere outside our little world here though. We're not news watchers but were are not ignorant of the daily events outside our city limits either. Tonight, it was heartache and tragedy on my mind. I was pulled back instantly to an afternoon nearly 15 years ago. I was sitting in the Lucille Ball Bldg on the Paramount Studios lot. I was working in the offices that had once been the offices of Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball. But by then, Lucy was long gone and now they were filled with the writers from the sitcom, Cheers. New generations aren't clued into this huge hit from my 20's but anyone over 30 can probably tell you a bit about it (and, if you don't blink, you can see my name in the credits at the end). Anyway, I was hired during the Kirstie Alley years and celebrities were always popping in to visit someone on the set, or simply to sit and watch it being filmed. It was a very cool gig.

On this particular day though, the stage was dark but the writers were still there working on a new script. I, with my entry level and very important title, was answering the phones. It felt a lot like tonight though that afternoon. Very quiet. I was lost in thought, reading our latest script, when I heard an almost familiar voice say, "Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Kirstie Alley's office?" I looked up and saw the bluest blue eyes smiling back at me. They were friendly and just a little bit hesitant. I knew instantly, it was John Travolta. Out of all the offices he chose to walk into, he picked mine! John Travolta! Thankfully, being star-struck isn't something I have ever come easily to though so I had no problem responding, "Sure", and then after a moment of brilliance I said, , "Actually, I'll show you where it is!" As I popped up and walked over to him he said, "Great! Thanks!" and we were off....

It was literally, "It's right here behind the stage--see that door right there?" and "Yes, thank you...?" "Renee". He smiled another sweet, sincere smile and said, "Thank you, Renee. You've been very helpful" and then it was over. I watched him knock and open her office door and then he was gone. But I have never forgot his essence. It was Truth. When he looked at you, he saw you. Even if you were just the girl answering the phones. He was polite and charming, and I was forever a fan. I can tell you right now, as I stood there tonight, looking out the bedroom window at those pretty twinkle lights on our peaceful, seemingly uneventful street, and then back at my own sleeping loves, I thought of this kind man that will never spend another Christmas with his boy. His beloved boy. I remembered that kind man then, and then I thought of the man all over the news tonight, all those photographs filled with this boy, this son, this child they loved, still love, and my heart just ached for him.

There were many things I learned up there in the land of make-believe but more than anything

else, I learned dollar signs and academy awards cannot prevent you from the incredible pain of the real world. Life happens every day, sometimes in small insignificant ways we can bounce back from, and then other times, it shatters us down to our souls. Three nights ago, this kind, good hearted man, his wife and little girl lost their loved one at just 16 years old, and it brought me to tears. We've all been casualties of pain at one point or another, but there can be nothing like the devastation and complete heartbreak of losing a child. Children just are not meant to go before their parents, and when they do it must leave them questioning their entire belief system.

I know as a Scientologist he believes in God, a higher power. For me, as a Christian, I believe in God as well. I also believe in the power of prayer. Tonight, I will pray for his family. I don't know if others believe it will make a difference, but for me, it means he will be comforted in his infinite pain. I will ask God to bless the Travolta's, and help them find a way to go on with their lives, and maybe someday, they will be able to remember their time with him, and smile, in celebration of the life he did live, the way they did when he was here. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of them.... God Bless