I Love You Too...

My kids are in the 4th grade. They are growing up, in spite of all efforts by us to stop them. They are busy with interests of their own, and both are taking that next step to schoolwork where they sit down and do it by themselves without asking for much direction at all. It is that
precious time betweeen the constant hand holding we do while they are kindergarteners and the day coming all too soon where they will look to stand alone. For the time being though, these 4th graders of ours still need us, and they are still okay with that.

My goal has always been to keep my kids close. Not to suffocate or stunt their growth and not to have them need me so much they can't function without me or their daddy. The plan was to be close in a loving and demonstrative way, where hugs and smiles and communication never wain; a love instead that enhances their independence. On a daily basis I am questioning if we are making the right choices, or are we ruining these beautiful little people with our, not always the better responses to the nonsense of the day.

The past two weeks have been hard as you know, mostly because work is not where I want to be. My kids are the people I want to meet the needs of, not customers. I really dig my children.
In fact, I wish I had had more of them. Juan would love another one. I understand why folks have large families --if motherhood is a gig you really love, you don't want the daily joys of it to end.

We don't have more, we have these two and I am going to treasure this time, these tween years. In fact, I have had a heightened awareness of late. Tuesday I dropped Lauren off at dance for her two hour practice. I said, "We're here a little early. You gonna be okay if I leave you with the girls?" She nodded and said, "Sure." "Okay, I'll see you in a bit. Have fun." I turned to leave and my sweet little girl said right in front of all her teammates, "Bye Mommy. I love you"---and then she blew me a kiss! She filled my heart with love. I hope that centered comfort she has in expressing her love never fades. I looked right at her and said, "I love you too angel."

Today, it was my boy angels turn to surprise me. He was shooting hoops out front with his buddy and we were talking about what sports they were considering going out for next year. Flag football and Basketball seemed to be the consensus and I thought they both would be great at either. I started to walk back inside to tidy up the kitchen when I heard the ball bounce twice and then my boy say, "Mom." I looked back and he was standing just about ready to shoot.  My son looked over, smiled at me and said, "I love you." Then, he tossed the ball and scored! I smiled the big smile of a very proud mom and said, "I love you too, son." How lucky am I? 

Some day my kids will read this blog of mine. Some day, decades from now, I will be gone, and they will read this. My job of raising them will be over, for better or worse. They will each have seen my mistakes and my miracles too. Most of all though, I want them to remember my words. To both of you, I love you too. Deeply, I love you two.