My Red Room...

Today was one of those rare days where the house was

clean, homework and special projects are finished and

handed in, we left work at work, and we are all individually

doing the relaxing things we love.  Juan and Niko are filling 

their tummies with their favorite meal at their favorite restaurant,

Lauren is upstairs dancing to her new Jonas Bros CD (I had

gotten it months ago and forgot about it until today), and I

am in my favorite place in our home, my red room.  Four years ago,

when we moved in, I had it painted a deep burgundy, hung romantic 

french country curtains on all seven, bright and airy windows, and 

created a very girly, all me, haven.  

This is my hugs and kisses room.  I have filled it with my son's 2 inch

Spider-man that he put up on the top shelf "to watch over and protect me", 

and the sweet note my daughter wrote me on exactly on 10-16-06, 

"I Love Love you mommy Love Lauren".  From Juan, is a Valentines Day

card that he gave me 25 years ago (!) and I still love. On my windowsill is a Christmas

ornament from my good friend, Laurie, that reminds me every single day, "The best things in your life are right in front of you", and next to my computer is a book of Poems about Calvary's love from another good friend of mine, Diana.   I have my Bible, my mother's Bible, my grandmother's Bible and now my children's Bible all in a row, generation after generation of love, as it should be.  Books from friends, thoughtful enough to pass along something they knew I would enjoy, along with cherished photos of loved ones both here and gone, fill the four walls of this 8 x 10 retreat of mine, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  

My attachment to all things sentimental is starting to work against me though.  Along with all the above-mentioned treasures , "stuff" has been piling up in this room for months now.  I kept moving these bins of  things I just can't say goodbye to, from room to room, along with the promise to myself that one day I would go through them.  Then, finally today, I said,

"no more".

I found myself on the floor going through piles of paper that consisted of everything from last years' school work (what to keep, what to toss) to my scripts I kept from my days working in television on "Cheers".   I realized right then, in the future it is the creative endeavors my kids undertake that I will save and all the quizzes, spelling tests, etc will not be saved.  Oh, and in the scripts, right in the middle of the pile, I found my Cheers yearbook!  I picked it up and as I flipped through the pages, I was brought back to a time filled with great moments, from a time almost forgotten.  I was in my 20's, all things were possible, and I had a grand time living for the moment and following my dreams.  The friendships I made were likened to those many make in Fraternities--friendships for a lifetime.   What I do now with my days is just as vital to me, but this reminded me I was once just Renee, and that wasn't a bad thing.

After hours of sifting through things, I found letters from loved ones since passed on,  and another letter written by my brother, Sean, who wrote our grandparents when he was only 10 years old. We were living in foster homes at the time and I know he would want me to send this to him.   I found an envelope from my aunt addressed to, "Beloved Nee" and a letter my mom had written to all of us kids shortly before she died.  All deeply meaningful.  But I must say one thing I had not expected; as I was winding things down in this red room of mine, and piles were disappearing, I noticed a stack of cards to my left, and I began to go through them.  One by one, card after card, from friend after friend, I read words of love, support, and kindness.  Some were sent for a special occasion, some just because.  It may have been the song on the radio, or even the compilation of hours going down memory lane, but I found myself with tears in my eyes.   How did I get to be part of this wonderful circle of love?  How did I get so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life?  As I look around my now clean and orderly red room, I realize that this reality of mine has come true only by God's grace, and my wish tonight for each of you is, may you each  be blessed with a red room, a room filled with hugs and kisses, all of your own.